Things not to say....
I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. Aren't you the guy from the village people? Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer? I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead. Bad cop. No doughnut. You're not going to check the trunk, are you? Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on cops? Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds? I pay your salary So uh, you on the take or what? Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me. What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?