"You are a cheat!" shouted the Lawyer to his opponent. 
"And you're a liar!", bellowed the opposition.
Banging his gavel loudly, the judge interjected, "Now that both Counsel have been identified for the record, let's get on with the case."
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
America is full of illegal immigrants, - ask any Indian!
MEDIATION-BECAUSE THE JUDGE SECRETLY HATES YOU!
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've
forgotten?
______________________________________
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
_______________________________________
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up
that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
________________________________________
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the
occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
_________________________________________
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
__________________________________________
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
________________________________________
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
________________________________________
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
____________________________________________
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a request
Notice that I sent to your lawyer?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
___________________________________________
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
___________________________________________
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
___________________________________________
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Pennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I
was doing an autopsy.
__________________________________________
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
__________________________________________
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
somewhere.
=================
Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person
dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes
quietly away and doesn't know anything about it
until the next morning?
==========
Q: What heppened then?
A: He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because
you can identify me.'
Q: Did he kill you?
==========
Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?
==============
Were you alone or by yourself?
=================
How long have you been a Finnish National?
============
Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize
that picture.
A: That's me.
Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?
===============================
Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?
=======================
Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage
terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
=============================
Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
A: I used to be.
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
==========================
So you were gone until you returned?
===========================
You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what
it looked like, but can you describe it?
==============================
Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
=======================================
The prosecution, realizing he was on the verge of
unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself
and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next
question."